goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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