Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
