after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
