Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
