at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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