Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sober January is a disaster.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
