the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
