she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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