I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
