So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
