..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
