you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Drake has all the answers
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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