Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
