I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
