shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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