at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
