tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
