You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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