This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
