I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
