If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
