it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
