once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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