She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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