I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
