My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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