You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
