hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
