Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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