My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
