So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
