Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
