So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think people are normalizing furries
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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