im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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