The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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