if i can run in heels then i can drive
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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