He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
