You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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