please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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