Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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