if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
