All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
