And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
