I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
