Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just invented taco cereal.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize