sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
