He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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