Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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