So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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