you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
