I'm so fucking centered right now
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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