if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
