there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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