Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
