I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
