hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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