Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
