I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Are we still banned from the library?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
