Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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